Spring Fashion News Prompts Ultimate Cheapskate to Increase Spending Threat Level to Code Magenta

Monday, September 24, 2007

(Accokeek, Maryland April 24, 2006) U.S. fashionistas from New York to San Francisco have declared magenta the new pink, shocking the free world and prompting an increase in the Spending Threat Level.

With U.S. consumers already spending more than $330 billion annually on apparel (roughly equivalent to the combined Gross Domestic Products of Africa's fifteen poorest nations), Jeff Yeager, the Ultimate Cheapskate, estimates that the breaking news about magenta will likely generate billions in new spending, although he's convinced that the switch to magenta was in no way based on that consideration.

"I'm confident that the fashion industry has the scientific data to support its position regarding the superiority of magenta over pink, otherwise I'm certain that these discretionary dollars would have been directed to world hunger or other secondary priorities" said Yeager.

"This magenta crisis is really a wakeup call, and our speedy response in terms of focusing public attention and financial resources on the problem bodes well for the priority response system we have in place. Given our response to the news regarding magenta, we can all sleep easier tonight, knowing that well be able to effectively address issues like global warming when the time comes," Yeager added.

In the interest of full disclosure, the Ultimate Cheapskate has filed documents with authorities verifying that he has spent nearly $23 on personal clothing in the last 48 months. He also confirmed that he does not own any magenta colored clothing, although there is a grape juice stain on his good dress shirt that bears a remarkable resemblance to America's 22nd President, Grover Cleveland.

About the Spending Threat Level

The Spending Threat Level System (STLS) was established by the Ultimate Cheapskate to alert the public to emerging threats to their pocketbooks. Modeled after the highly confusing and ineffective Terrorism Threat Level System developed by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security at a cost of several billion dollars, Jeff Yeager, the Ultimate Cheapskate, was surprised to find that he could establish an even more confusing and ineffective rating system without requiring the expenditure of a single additional tax dollar. "It just came to me when I saw the big 64 pack of Crayolas sitting on my desk. Undoubtedly the government was working with the basic 8 pack, but that's how new ideas and technology evolve," said Yeager.

posted by Jeff Yeager at 8:21 AM


Blogger Jo said...

Why has no one commented on this? Its hilarious! The future of the world, (and the fashion industry), is safe in your hands! If you ever cycle over to Western Australia you have a bed at my place for the night.



December 9, 2007 3:50 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Hi. I just discovered you after hearing your interview with Ilyce Glinck (sp). Love your blog.

The fashion entry hit a nerve; but it's difficult to make women aware of the impact. Keeping up with the fashionable Jones will empty a wallet pretty quickly. Women are the perfect storm of financial trouble. We live longer, save less, and invest far too conservatively.

Would you and Ilyce consider doing an extended special on women and money? Maybe something prerecorded that could run on a holiday (like Easter)?

Keep up the great work!

March 2, 2008 5:37 PM  
Blogger tiffany said...

I try to dress to NOT be noticed... not shabby or dirty, not shiny and fancy...

I also shop completely from free things that are given to me by ladies at church (some of whom are very welthy and give me the best)

I also shop for free by volunteering to distribute clothing to needy families.. I am given 40 black trash bags of clothes, asked to take them home, sort them by size and gender, and find new homes for them. I am allowed to keep whatever I want.

I have been very successful at clothing my entire family this way.

I also dumpster dive at thrift stores (they throw everything away that doesn't sell in a given season)

If you can't or won't do what I have done to find free clothes, the other option is SIMPLE CLOTHING. Don't try to look stunning or fabulous, and don't go too far in the other direction.. you don't want others avoiding you on public streets because you look scary. Most of all? HAVE FUN WHILE YOU SAVE..

my children, playing with something, or giving someone somthing will often tell people that we got the item from the dumpster... you can see some of the people try to maintain composure and then slowly back away from the crowd who was previously ohh and ahhing over my "garage sale" find.

Needless to say.. we keep the info where we get things private if folks have had a bad reaction....

Sad really... cause we all think it's a blast to find things and keep them from the landfills...


April 21, 2009 5:39 PM  
Blogger JEAN said...

From a Fashion/Clothing Cheapskate: Anyone bought a clothing item labeled "Larry Levine"? I made that fatal mistake. The zipper in the winter jacket promptly SEPARATED & could not be repaired! Trying to contact the manufacturer (supposedly in NYC) didn't work. No one knows where the heck this manufacturer is. I think they don't want to be found and I now know why! Even querying QVC who sells the brand,contacting the NY Better Business Bureau and stores that sell the moderately priced women's clothes by e-mail produced nothing. A letter to the "Larry Levine" address listed in the library went unanswered and the phone # listed doesn't answer. As a cheap skate who buys only when I need something and shops thrift stores, it makes me livid to find a manufacturer who doesn't stand behind their product. Any idea where to locate this scrondel & get a replacement or repair of this jacket? Are their consumer organizations who track such companies? Thanks for assistance. Jean

May 12, 2009 11:54 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Previous Posts